Sleep, Fog, and Vampires
I'm struggling waking up this morning. Last night at 2:30 am, I wasn't though. I almost got up to write at that time because, well, might as use the time as I have it. However, I did stay in bed and fell back to sleep after a couple of ours. Yes, I scrolled through Facebook, which is on my list of things I should not do at night if I want to sleep.
I have had a pattern of two-three nights where I just can't sleep. Catch a few hours. Not sure how sound, either. Then I'll have two or three good nights of sleep. For the past few months, though, I'm still waking up at 7:00ish, coherent and energetic. Today, not so much.
I hate mornings like this. My body is definitely winning over my mind. I've been "awake" for 3 hours now. Still barely moving, barely able to think. I explain to others that I feel a thick fog taking over my brain, rusting the works. Then, in this foggy state, an invisible vampire comes and drains the energy out of my limbs, leaving them limp and heavy. I lie there. That's when I call for Kelley to get me my meds.
Kelley went to our local pharmacy to pick up my prescription for Vyvanse that I should have done yesterday. It does help me- a lot. Last spring break 2018 (before the Fibromyalgia diagnosis), I was whimpering at home because I was so listless and filled with anxiety and not being able to think clearly at work. It was the most challenging group of students my partner teacher and I had ever had. But it was definitely more than that. Teaching, which had rolled out of me naturally, allowing me to improvise easily and be fun in class, was not there anymore.
My own children, who were both diagnosed with ADD in college, after hitting the wall with demands that pushed them to their limits said to me, "Mom, you're the same as us. You need to go get tested." So, bringing Kelley for moral support with me to my appointment with our new general practitioner, I expressed my frustration to him. "This is not me!" I remember saying. A caring doctor, I could tell he thought that I was just a ball of nerves needing a higher dose of Lexipro, replied, "Since you have this in your mind, let's have you go to my friend who's a psychologist for testing."
I met the next week with the Ph.D. psychologist, filling out several questionnaires, and having a talk before the computer test for ADHD. Some of the questions, about my childhood and schooling really didn't fit. I don't remember much about how I did things back then, but I have never felt disorganized and dreamy. However, after taking the test which consisted of correctly clicking and not clicking when a certain shape came up, I found out that I was moderate to moderately-high ADD. The doctor congratulated me on my coping skills of the past 53 years. The next week, I started 30mg of Vyvanse every morning. I went for a retest a month later and took the same test but on the medicine and past with flying colors.
Then, the pain hit just a few months later. I have wondered about the connection. I've found different theories. This one presented at the annual meeting of the American Academy of Pain Management, April 2018 seems to sit right: Study Finds: People with Fibromyalgia May Also Have ADHD As it states, "The concentration and attention issues....can be a big deal for some patients....sometimes more disabling than the chronic pain..."
The combination of magnesium-malate, SAM-e, and Vyvanse has helped me write this on our deck this morning. My brain is starting to win over my body. My limbs have traces of energy moving back in. Good thing- because it's a beautiful day and we get to meet up with dear friends we haven't seen in quite awhile.